Worth the wait...

When, I was 21 years old and dating was still fun and simple, my buddies and I used to get very creative about meeting new women… we would come up with funny lines to pick women up on the streets, in coffee shops, at train stations… and on the phone. Yes…we used to call random numbers hoping to get a young beautiful female voice on the line in the hopes that we might ignite romance and start a dating adventure. Being a 21 year old guy, I mainly wanted to get laid, so I’d have probably settled for a throaty, annoying, whiny voice as well…if she was ready and willing enough.

One lovely autumn morning, I dialed a random number and heard what was probably most soothing, melodical, feminine voice full of beauty and potential. Her name was Natasha, and we hit it off right away. She lived close by and after half an hour on the phone, we agreed to meet at a post office. Why the post-office? Not sure, but probably because it was busy and crowded and if she turned out to be less-than-pretty, I could just walk out without being noticed and pretend I never even showed up to meet her.

So the next day, I anxiously walked to the post-office, waiting to meet the beauty behind that voice. At the spot where we agreed to meet, there was an older gentleman, curiously observing all the guys who walked in the door. We looked at each other for a second, our eyes full of questions and disbelief, and as I started to walk away, he called out my name. I turned around half-curious, half-scared, and this older (not bad looking) gentleman proceeded to tell me that he is Natasha’s father. He explained to me that in their family, he meets his daughter’s wooers first, to make sure they are worthy of his daughter’s attention. I was a bit shocked but still under the spell of her beautiful voice, so I decided to go with the flow.

We spent about an hour at the post office, an hour I would more likely describe as an interview than a date, but again… beautiful voice, potentially beautiful daughter, black lacy panties, nice legs… I was imagining all that while patiently answering her father’s questions. Yes, I have a job (I wonder how smooth her skin is); no, I don’t smoke (ooh, luscious delicious lips); yes, I love my mother (wait… damn, ruined my train of thought). Finally, after an hour, he smiled at me and said:

“Let me think about this, and I’ll get back to you soon.”

Hmm… I was hoping to be getting into his daughter’s boudoir sooner rather than later, but I guess I had no choice but to wait. A few days later I got a phone call from Natasha’s dad in which he asked me to meet him at the post office again. This was quickly turning into a dating relationship quite unlike the one I had imagined would result from my conversation with Natasha, but I humored her father nonetheless. That voice…

After 3 meetings in two weeks, all at the post office, (I was developing quite the stamp collection!) my interview was over and I was offered a position at the family dinner table to meet Natasha! FINALLY! I wasn’t sure why such formal family gathering was necessary, but I was getting a home-made meal and I already kinda liked her dad, so it promised to be a good evening.

At their house, there was a nicely decorated dinner table full of delicious-looking food and a bottle of wine (rare in the Ukraine back then, so must have been a special occasion). I was quite pleased to find seated at the table: Nathasha’ dad, his wife, his mother…and a really cute, charming girl about my age. My heart started racing as I realized that my patience had paid off… I’d tolerated the several pre-dating interviews to get a chance with a real, quality girl! With a big smile on my face, but vivid images of us kissing in a park (or the post-office) occupying my mind, I went to introduce myself to the girl. She smiled back at me with a smile that made my soul melt, my heart race, and my knees weaken. Then. She said:

“Hi, I am Elena. My sister, Natasha is getting ready and will be out shortly. Let’s sit down and start our dinner.”

Oh... I sat down at the dinner table, a bit disappointed but still hopeful considering that this family was clearly blessed with a good gene pool. Dinner went really well, delicious food (I still smile thinking about that borsch and ladkis), good company, fun conversation. I was intermittently looking around trying to figure out when Natasha was finally coming out, but we made it all the way through dinner without a sign of her. No bother.

I’d busied myself with entertaining Elena with my tales of boyhood misadventure with my friends, when a bedroom door opened…… and out came out a 40 year old, obese, woman half my height in a thick red robe…. She smiled at me shyly and said:

”Hi, I am Natasha. It’s nice to meet you.”

I politely smiled at her, shook her hand, and after a few moments of speechlessness I mumbled something to the extent of:

“The pleasure is all mine, but I’m afraid I must leave to go to work now.”

I ran out of that apartment as fast as I could and never called her back. I was not a superficial guy even back then, but with so much anticipation and waiting, I was hoping to meet somebody who would be a bit more enchanting… like her voice.

At least it wasn’t a complete failure. I got to know my local postman very well and I got a great dinner out of it!

-- Mr. Papichki